Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize