I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
