Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
