She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
