It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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