There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
