I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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