This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
