Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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