remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
