In the future we'll all be gay
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
