I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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