i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
