due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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