You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
