i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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