Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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