I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
false alarm, still single
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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