My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize