went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
