I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
