The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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