i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
