I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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