You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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