just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
