I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize