it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize