There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
