I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
