there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
