Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
