end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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