Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
