remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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