You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
