Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
