I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Terrible idea I love it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
