Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
