Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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