feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
