i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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