the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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