these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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