So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
