TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
a search helicopter?!
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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