rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
