im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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