Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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