just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
