Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
