The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
