yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
