Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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