You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize