my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
