He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
