hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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