dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
