I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
