he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
