oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
