piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
