There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
