Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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