So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
birth control should be required to get into college
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
