I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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