the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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