Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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