if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
