Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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