It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
