I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
