You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
